Lindsay Likes...To Write

In first grade, my teachers tried to correct the way I held my pencil. I never could figure out how to gracefully grasp the pencil between my long skinny fingers the "right way." As a result, I developed a callus on my finger. It's still there today, because I still hold a pen in a very contorted manner, using all of my fingers. Somehow, despite the use of my entire hand to write, I managed to get through college and even law school handwriting everything but my papers. How funny to think that I actually prefer handwriting over typing considering my "deficiency." Even though I may hold my pen incorrectly; I seem to get the words onto the page just fine.

When second grade came, I struggled learning to write in cursive. I'm talking a major struggle! I ripped holes in my workbook pages from all of the erasing to the point I had to scotch tape the pages back together. Although I improved with lots of practice, I've spent the majority of my years printing rather than using cursive. My printing may not be perfect, but when I put my mind to it I sort of like how my handwriting looks.

Fast forward to the fifth grade. After taking a spelling exam to gauge my spelling level the first week of school, my English teacher, Mrs. Waldo, informed me I'd be in the regular spelling group opposed to the challenge group. This irritated me. If I had only had the chance to study the words before the test, I could have done better. Despite my quiet demeanor, I went up to my teacher and told her to let me try the challenge group. I can't remember exactly what Mrs. Waldo said, but I do remember that at the end of the year I had scored at least 100% on every challenge spelling test (this was back in the day of bonus points)! Eighteen years have passed and my spelling is neither inadequate nor flawless, but I still like a challenge.



Although I like to write, I'm challenged by the process. Taking the jumbled thoughts in my mind and forming them into ideas and then organizing them into sentences and paragraphs requires me to think deeply, to ponder and to analyze. Once I get an idea I find that it often marinates in my brain in some far-off corridor waiting for all the pieces to come together. Then, just as I'm finally putting my head down to sleep at night, my idea grows into something more comprehensible. I'm forced to turn on the light and write down my thoughts that now seem so much clearer. Why this must happen between the hours of 12:00AM and 2:00AM always baffles me. Never do I have such thoughts when I first wake up-I'm from a long line of night-owls.



So why do I enjoy to write? I see it as a means to share with others a fact, a point of view or a feeling. But, more than anything, I see writing as an outlet-a kind of storage facility for one's thoughts. I often find myself thinking about something, whether it be analyzing (or in my case often over-analyzing), processing, remembering, contemplating or questioning. It's sometimes nice to transport those thoughts to a place where they can be less of a "headache."

But, for me, writing isn't all about clearing my head. I like to write because it suits me. My soft voice impedes me from being a great orator. Trust me, my voice is more likely to put people to sleep than it is to inspire the masses. I'm not exaggerating when to I tell you that at least once a week I answer the phone and the caller says, "Did I wake you?" Not to mention my days reading out loud in Ms. Barrow's 12th grade English class. My friends Richard and Andrew feigned sleep and burst out in yawns the entire time I read (although coming from them I knew it was just another friendly joke at my expense)! Somehow, despite my vocal shortcomings I've managed to deliver several speeches over the years, to speak out in law school classes, to conduct meetings and to present legal arguments. Still, I know my words resonate better on paper (or the computer screen).

Finally, writing appeals to me because as a writer we're allowed to be a different version of ourselves. We so often will write what we will not say. As writers, we are more daring, more heartfelt, more creative and more cruel people. That being said, in a society where many people communicate by email and text more than by word of mouth, we have to choose our words wisely. Sometimes, too, we have to speak out, even if we would prefer to sit back quietly.

I like to write.